I am Meant to Live

HOME SPA 101

2011-07-20T18:41:00.000-07:00

So you’ve heard of many spa salons offering home services…

But why not have your own home spa experience (by yourself or with friends) on your own way, time and budget?

BIOSKIN lists a few tips on how to enjoy a HOME SPA DAY!

#1. Plan your home spa day. Ask yourself what you really want to accomplish for that day. Do you want to be energized? To simply enjoy rest? To be renewed? Knowing what you want greatly influence the activities you will go through as well as the spa treatment products and stuff that you will use.

Next, list down the activities for the day so that you will be guided. An easy pampering routine for two to three hours is recommended. This routine includes warm bath, body scrub and massage, home facial, hair treatment and foot spa.

Another thing that you must consider is the time. Make sure that your schedule for home spa doesn’t conflict with other activities because uninterrupted time is a must. With your busy social life, this home spa day will mean enjoying your privacy and loving it.

#2. Organize your stuff. Spa stuff like robe, slippers and clean sheets or towels is a must have. Aside from setting up the spa products and equipment you will use, you need proper music (soothing melodies or energizing beat) and proper lighting to set the mood. It is best to use dim light or light scented candles to create a calming and relaxing environment.

#3. Begin your home spa day with a warm bath. Enjoy a cleansing and foamy bath with a body wash or body soak containing Vitamin C. This will not only wash away dirt but also serve as anti-oxidant, hydrate and eliminate toxins from inside out. HOME BODY SPA

#4. Scrub your body. This is to exfoliate dead skin cells and clean the pores. This should be done gently to avoid stressing out or tearing your skin which leads to premature skin aging and darkening. You can use terry washcloth or loofah. You can also use body scrub with variants that serve specific purpose. Examples are coffee as anti-oxidant, marmalade as stimulant and papaya as whitening. Just make sure that your body scrub is not harsh or too rough for your skin. Have a quick shower and dry your body with dry towel. HOME BODY SPA

#5. Massage your body in circular motion. This is to aid the proper blood circulation and to relax stiff muscles. You can use hypoallergenic massage oils with soothing scent like lavender or stimulating scent like peppermint and eucalyptus. You can also apply body cream or body butter to keep your skin moisturized and silky smooth. HOME BODY SPA

#6. Have your face pampered. First, apply facial cleanser or facial scrub that is not harsh on your face. Remember, clean and exfoliate without drying your skin. To draw out impurities, put a facial mud or clay. Let it dry and then rinse off with warm water. Apply anti-oxidant toner to plump up your face. Then apply moisturizer with spf for skin protection (even if you’re not going out in the sun). HOME FACIAL SPA

#7. Condition your hair and scalp. Wash your hair with a shampoo that has a soothing effect. Apply hair treatment that does not only make your hair shiny but also helps regenerate hair and moisturize scalp. Rinse off and dry your hair with towel. Apply hair coat to prevent split ends, and to keep your hair shiny and manageable. HOME HAIR SPA

#8. Pamper your feet. Relax your feet by soaking it in warm water with organic powder and essential oils for 10 minutes. Scrub your feet after with foot scrub that has a cooling, deodorizing and protecting effect. Rinse it off and dry with towel. Lastly, apply foot cream or moisturizer by massaging on your feet to soften and restore your tired feet.

And viola! You just had a HOME SPA DAY!

Extend love and kindness to yourself, and experience quality spa treatment in your very own home by using 95% all-natural based spa products just like Bioskin’s Home Spa brand.

Visit and contact us through our website http://bioskinphilippines.com, email address bioskin1a@yahoo.com/ bioskindavao@yahoo.com, and Bioskin branches.

BIOSKIN DAVAO

Door 7 Bldg. #2, Regina Commercial Complex, C. M. Recto Ave., Davao City; (082) 305-4631, (082) 225-8195, (SUN) +63 922-8380338, (GLOBE) +63 917-7008507, (SMART) +63 999-4579176

BIOSKIN CEBU

Unit 2 J.L. & Sons Development Corp., Tipolo Square, Tipolo, Mandaue City; (032) 343-3588; +63 922-8584631

BIOSKIN PASAY

2F Dr. M.A. Felix Bldg. Libertad St. Pasay City; (02) 659-5674; +63 933-9686648

drown in prints

2011-03-28T07:46:00.000-07:00

Turn Winter into Spring by elenadisanto featuring wedge heel shoes

Get over it. by Chяoиiclesofиadia▲ featuring printed pants

Never met her before, but I think I like her like a metaphor; by Bobbypin featuring square earrings

you got punked!

2011-03-28T07:26:00.000-07:00

Wont Stop by loolithaa featuring denim shorts

I'm DaDa! by Hennie Henne Baby featuring flat booties

punk by jinsha featuring short shorts

PUNK BABY by TheStrawberryFields featuring sunglasses

retrospect

2011-03-28T06:49:00.000-07:00

Untitled by GarlicVo♥BDay March03]-busy featuring wedge heel sandals

minimalism by GlamBlueHead TAKING REQUESTS featuring tan shorts

**simple&easy** by **brown girl** featuring a leaves necklace

her "his" point of view

2011-03-28T06:34:00.000-07:00

kim kardashian by Karol.Fashion.Girl.♥ featuring a canvas vest

its THOSE shoes by Meforonce featuring vintage bracelets

Kim Kardashian Style by Lexxy1 featuring fringe scarves

see through me

2011-03-28T05:40:00.000-07:00

Viva La Vintage by MaterialBadAss featuring denim short shorts

Not an heaven type... by ;*rose*; featuring buckle bags

Blue dreams by crazy-daisy featuring a sheer blouse

stay graceful in lace

2011-03-28T05:17:00.000-07:00

Helen Keller by Miss Fancie featuring ripped skinny jeans

The whole universe interests me. by paintedlips♥ featuring vintage style necklaces

Cutie by Verielle featuring crocodile handbags

eastern wave

2011-03-28T03:58:00.000-07:00

Love the way you look: Troian. by [Jules] featuring cap sleeve tops

When my Mama say's I look good in White. by Cazuram featuring gold jewelry

Мадемуазель by odry 124 featuring logo handbags

RAWR!

2011-03-28T03:47:00.000-07:00

VS by Monikusa featuring a chain ring

565. Celeb Style : Isla Fisher (06.04.2010) by Muna Rina featuring tory burch bags

Love this outfit by ♥α Bєαuтiful мєss♥ \ Gєєk featuring cami tank tops

Rocker Chic. by TiffanyFolarin featuring tapered jeans

let's vault in!

2011-03-28T02:18:00.000-07:00

the beautiful springtime! by aalyahjh featuring a tailored blazer

99. Light Up Your Spring by Yanzi (Stay Strong, Japan) featuring flower bracelets

put a little color in your life ;) by popbarb featuring white topaz jewelry

true blue sky-lover

2011-03-28T01:58:00.000-07:00

Ocean's Breeze by VedranaV featuring tapered pants

Unbenannt by Orkide featuring short tops

Untitled by C a r o l ♥ featuring distressed denim shorts

you and me and why we wouldn't be

2011-02-07T04:57:00.001-08:00

You say I'm stubborn and I never give in.I think you're stubborn except you're always softening.

You say I'm selfish. I agree with you on that.

You like to be so close. I love to be alone.

You're so provocative. I'm so conservative.

You're so adventurous. I'm so very cautious.

pizx

2011-01-18T03:49:00.001-08:00

beach glam by peequote featuring beach bathing suits

dream come true

2010-12-16T08:02:00.000-08:00

through polyvore.com, i realized my long time dream to mix and match clothing pieces and create my own style. it's a dream come true. i've always wanted this, this opportunity to come. this is not just to show that i do have a fashion style (though it doesn't show in real life) but also to show that i have this artist in me. i can create something beautiful that people will appreciate. it is the artist who was never given the chance to do well in other fields aside from academics. i should say, i am more than just a boring college student most people see.

so...here are some of my works! hope you'll like it too!

of flower and of wood by peequote featuring dressy tops

Old Navy Womens Raw-Edged Ruffle-Trim Tanks
$13 - oldnavy.gap.com
Dressy tops »

Surface to Air Portofino Chino Short
$98 - shoplesnouvelles.com
Chino shorts »

CREPE SOLE FUR BOOT
$169 - zara.com
Fur boots »

1a Prima Classe - Geo Printed Messenger Bag
$509 - forzieri.com
Printed bags »

Le Fox *single earring
$18 - senseofashion.com
Chain earrings »

Wood & Cable Wide Bangle
8 GBP - oasis-stores.com
Wood jewelry »

Buy.com - 100% Silk Crepe Embroidered Butterfly Square Neckerchief...
$9.95 - buy.com
Embroidered shawls »

off to the beach by peequote featuring straw hats

Petite pink floral blouse
30 GBP - dorothyperkins.com
Polyester blouses »

Destroyed Cuffed Bermuda Short - Women's Clothing and Apparel - Chic...
$44 - ardenb.com
Bermuda shorts »

Derek Lam Sachi
$550 - barneys.com
Thong sandal »

"BUBBLE POP" MULTIBEAD CLUSTER DROP EARRINGS
$165 - tarinatarantino.com
Cluster earrings »

Melissa Odabash Panama straw hat
$110 - net-a-porter.com
Straw hats »

Wayfarer Folding RB4105 Sun | Official Ray-Ban Site - UK
ray-ban.com
Ray bans sunglasses »

EarthLover | Hemp "No Kill" Leather Messenger Bag Eco and Fair Trade...
earthlovershopping.com
Hemp messenger bags »

sky background-clipped by amelle
slike.hr

The Most Beautiful Planet! - AmO Images: Capturing the Beauty of Life...
amolife.com

i am beautiful by peequote featuring a layered necklace

Nude Temple A Shape Classic Tank by Forrest & Bob
25 GBP - my-wardrobe.com
Nude tank »

M Missoni Striped merino wool-blend mini skirt
$368 - net-a-porter.com
Floral mini skirt »

Maria Sharapova Collection by Cole Haan Women's Gwaltney Gladiator...
$81 - endless.com
Cole haan shoes »

Leatherbay Leather Mini Backpack
$130 - endless.com
Leather bags »

Chan Luu Cherry Quartz Wrap Bracelet
$170 - thehipchick.com
Chan luu bracelets »

Lucky Brand - Cosmic Holiday Black Ribbon Layer Necklace (Black) -...
$71 - zappos.com
Layered necklace »

QUARTZ CASHMERE SCARF
$915 - monamoore.com
Cashmere shawl »

Feather Beret
60 GBP - julesb.co.uk
Feather hats »

Blush triple corsage belt
10 GBP - dorothyperkins.com
Waist belts »

Forever21.com - Beauty - Makeup - 1075764032
$3.80 - forever21.com

BEAUTIFUL PRINT | mirrors/wall decor | accessories | Jayson Home &...
$440 - jaysonhomeandgarden.com

theatre - los angeles photograph - original fine art print 5x5 :...
$12 - papernstitch.com

same old me

2010-11-17T08:48:00.000-08:00

A lot of things have changed since I moved out of our house. Not really running away though. I went to college so I have to live in a place far from home. I’ve met a lot of people and learned from them. Well, I stayed with my older sister during my first year. Life is comfortable when I’m out of the house. I get to talk about silly things, have fun with friends, get drunk, laugh so hard and forget about the reality that haunts me. It’s been three years living that way but nothing really has changed – the way I feel about some people, places and memories.

I believe that no relationship lasts forever. There is always a so-called expiration date. Seven years. Where the hell did I get this idea? Well, blame it to media! I have watched a Korean movie in which the guy told his girlfriend that it’s okay to have an affair with another guy. That’s how it works. They’re in a steady relationship for seven years and they’re getting married. They got married and the movie ends there. So what’s my point? My point is that they know for a fact that later on their relationship will end but they still said “I do.”

My mother told me that my father started screwing up their marriage when I was about to join the family. It was seven years after they got married. It’s just coincidence! Nothing lasts forever and I get it. Marriages fail. Sooner or later, your girlfriend or boyfriend will dump you for another person or worse, he/she just woke up one morning and realized that you’re not his/her happiness anymore. Well, guess what? It happened to me.

Call me bitter. I grow up in family I thought to be perfect. I became idealistic about life until I accidentally banged my head on the wall and these words keep on ringing – GET REAL! My father fucks different women. My mother is once a battered wife and now she is emotionally abused. I think my father just enjoys hurting her. I started hating my father when I was 13, second year high school. At that age, I entered into a romantic relationship but it did not last. I shouldn’t be surprised. I had three other relationships and I ended up crying. It was either I broke up with them because I was too scared to be dumped later or I got dumped because I was too contended that he will stick with me. My recent ex-boyfriend dumped me during a hell week. It was just great!

I’m not really good at keeping a relationship after all. It runs in the blood. I think I inherited my parents’ genes. But my sisters are quite different. Our eldest is getting married. She already considered and thought that to get my nephew christened. Oh screw the social norms and requirements! My other sister is in medical school and still maintains a three year relationship. She’ll get married too. I can feel it! Me, I am single. Being single is not really that bad or miserable. I got friends, single or act as if they have no commitments. But I know they’ll get married and have kids too.

So that leaves me as a single person with no plans of getting married. Ironically, I really do want to spend my life with a company, someone I can talk to and laugh with. But a real commitment just scares me. I don’t want to end up being battered or jealous. For most people, marriage is the sweetest and most beautiful thing they ever experienced. Not for me! Marriage is hell. It feels like you’re stuck with the person you loved but turned out to be the worst creature you’ve ever encountered. What is worst is that you are going to sleep with that person and wake up every morning seeing that bastard or bitch’s face for the rest of your life. You want to leave the house but every time you see your kids’ face, you tell yourself, “This is bullshit but I’m staying. I don’t want my children to have a broken family.”

Crap! Do parents ever realize that by fighting from sunrise to sundown, by cursing their partner, by screaming their hearts out how their partner have wronged them, that they bring hell in earth, in their own home, in their kids’ hearts? I’m turning 20 this year and I’m not proud to say that I’m still battling with the memories of my adolescent years. I don’t really want to stay here in the house because it reminds me of how painful it was to see my family shattered right in front of me. And it hurts more to see how people seem to have moved on and accepted what had happened. How did they deal and learn to forget? Is it just like that? Why? Why can’t I forget? Why it still hurts? And why as I keep on confronting those memories, the fear and hatred still come back to me?

I need help though I don’t look like I need it. I act as if it’s just nothing and I’m good at it. I even give life advices to people mostly friends who are asking for it. Ironic. One reason I get into a relationship is that I actually like to have someone to share the burden. Unfortunately, they have their own lives and problems and things they have to deal so I have to keep my thoughts to myself. I never really have met anyone who asks how I honestly feel about certain aspect of my life. They just ask stupid questions and most of the time I lie. I lie just to end the meaningless question and answer portion. I don’t even consider those as conversations. Telling them everything will not change anything about who I am and why I am like this. No one can fully grasp what it means to be me other than myself.

Basically, I have several linked things to deal with. First, relationships end. Second, I’m traumatized by my history and by the fact that relationships end. Third and definitely not the last, I suck at maintaining a relationship because I’m traumatized by my history and by the fact that relationships end.

Troubled

2010-11-17T08:46:00.000-08:00

People may think that my problem is just nothing compared to poverty, famine, death and all those tragedies people from the side of the globe are suffering. True. My problem is just a little thing. But it is everything to me. I don’t know how it feels to starve, to be a dying person, or to lose everything I have. My problem is that I can’t see the brighter side of the picture. It is as if I’m blinded by the sufferings and arguments and unhappiness of people around me. Maybe I’m too sensitive. Well I’m sorry. I can’t stop empathizing with other people. No one really cares so no one can understand.

My problem is inside me. I have to resolve it but somehow it feels it’s a petty issue and that I have to ignore it. Thinking about it again and again is unhealthy but I can’t stop myself. It just comes back to me. I have no closure. It feels like it’s not going to end. It scares me. It haunts me. And no one knows how it feels to be trapped in this kind of emotion.

I need help. I have friends but I have no one. They’ll listen but they can’t solve my problem. They can feel for me but it won’t change anything. I lost my faith in almost everything. I’ve always wanted to tell these people how I feel about them. Something tells me not to – uncertainty. I am not sure that by telling them, it will make things better for us. Will it make me feel way better? Will it make them realize that the things they had done affected me greatly after all this time? Will it worsen the strained relationships? I don’t know. No one knows.

I am always running. I’m tired. But I just keep on running. I wish that someday I may be able to say “it stops today.”

THIS IS IT!!! The Fall of OPM and the Rise of the K-POP in the Philippines

2010-09-29T03:15:00.001-07:00

I am requesting you to listen to our podcast at
http://soundcloud.com/this-is-it-1/the-fall-of-the-opm-and-the-rise-of-k-pop-in-the-philippines

This is podcast about "The Fall of OPM (Pinoy Musics) and the Rise of the K-POP (Korean Pop Music) in the Philippines.

Disclaimer: This radio podcast is for academic purposes only. Creative advertisements, fictional organizations and sponsors were made by undergraduate students in partial fullfilment for SPCM 102 - Voice and Diction class.

Thank you very much!

missing the good old days

2010-08-26T08:27:00.000-07:00

ok fine!

kahilakon kaayo ko ganiha. actually, i really cried while chatting with my sister through fb.

I MISS HER!
and i miss the good old days...when i was still in my freshman year in college, when kyutkyut was still a baby, when my father was still well (he's ok now but after the accident, our lives totally changed), when my sisters were living in our house, when my mother was still vibrant...

how could life change so drastically? as i look back those years, i can't help myself but wish to go back and stay there. life was better. we were happy (i think). we were a complete family. and we could get by.

i'm scared of what might happen now and in the future. we can't go back. we can't change things but we can learn. yes. but we can't make up for the lost time, ruined relationships and bad experiences.

i don't want to see my parents grow old...weak, white hair, wrinkled skin, dead (god forbid)... i don't want to see my niece and nephew getting older..know the things about life, making own decisions, breaking rules, and committing the same mistakes we've made...

i don't want to become 20 (well i'll be 20 by September 28)...needs to do thesis and graduate on time, unable to find a job, low pay, no house..i don't want to be a burden...yet i'm scared that i can't live just on my own!

i miss being a kid when life was easier...

things i should say or shouldn't say at all

2010-08-18T11:40:00.000-07:00

this is not intended or for the purpose of being mean to my friends. i know they also have other things to deal with that's why they can't prioritize our group project. there are circumstances that hinder them from helping out.

the purpose of this post is to express a what-if situation. what if i was told that i'm such a good person to put so much effort in our project? what if i was so pissed by that comment?

i think here i what i would say:
i'm not a good person to save everyone's ass. i didn't do it for the group. i did it for myself because i don't want to be dragged down by people who can't accomplish the things that are asked from them. you should be grateful that i'm good at working alone.

hehehe
hep hep! but since i'm not pissed off...i don't have the opportunity to blurt this out! ahhh...how sad!

see? i'm not the meanest person you know!

this song is for YOU!

2010-02-09T08:33:00.000-08:00

GRAVITY by Sarah Bareilles

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

[CHORUS:]
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

[CHORUS]

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on
The ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

.....stupid man pero gimingaw ko nimu.....hahhahha! salamat!

statement shirts!

2010-01-24T17:26:00.000-08:00

Code Statement
1- Almost.

2- Bahalag gwapa, basta bright!

3- Almost over you!!! (Bitter)

4 - FRONT: OK RA KA? BACK: OK NA LANG...

5 - TOO WEIRD TO LIVE, TOO RARE TO DIE

6 - DILI KO WEIRD, GIFTED LANG...

7 - I'M NOT IN LOVE (HEART TM)

8 - WANTED BF: TALL, DARK, HANDSOME AND... TAGA-UP

9 - FIND MY LOVE HERE (ARROW DOWN)

10 - I'M NOT CRAZY
I'VE JUST BEEN IN A VERY BAD MOOD FOR 17 YEARS

11 - ANG UNO DILI MAKADATO...

12 - BETTER LATE THAN PREGNANT!

13 - FACEBOOK ADDICT

14 - CERTIFIED VIRGIN
AYAW PALAG

15 - I HATE THE WORD "CHURVA"
IT'S SO UNACADEMIC!

Couple Shirt Designs:

16 - BOY - THE KEY TO (KEY PIX)
GIRL: UNLOCK MY HEART (HEART PIX)

17- BOY - SHOOT (CUPID'S BOW AND ARROW PIX)
GIRL: MY HEART (HEART WITH TARGET SITE)

18 - Boy: I'm Yours
Girl: You're Mine

19 - Boy: MALDITO
Girl: MALDITA

20- BOY: I'M PROUD TO BE HER BF
GIRL: I'M PROUD TO BE HIS GF

21 - BOY AND GIRL: NO ONE CAN BREAK US APART!

22 - BOY: I WILL NEVER GIVE YOU UP (ARROW POINTING BF- RIGHT)
GIRL: I WILL NEVER LET YOU DOWN (ARROW POINTING GF-LEFT)

23 - BOY: I WANT TO KILL YOUR EX-BF
GIRL: I WANT TO KILL YOUR EX-GF

24 - BOY: SHE'S MY ANGEL
GIRL: HE'S A BLESSING

25 - BOY: WE'RE A PERFECT MATCH! (TAE PIX)
GIRL: WE'RE A PERFECT MATCH! (TOILET PAPER PIX)

26 - BOY: I LOVE YOU MORE EVERYDAY (HALF HEART HAND)
GIRL: I LOVE YOU FOREVER (THE OTHER HALF HEART HAND)

27 - BOY: I WAS BORN TO LOVE HER
GIRL: I WAS BORN TO LOVE HIM

28 - BOY: SHE IS MINE
GIRL: HE IS MINE

29 - BOY: Gwapo ako uyab no? Ibog ka?
GIRL: Gwapa ako uyab no? Laway ka?

30 - I am single but my heart belongs to her/him (arrow left/right)

ASTIG STATEMENTS AND DESIGNS FOR SHIRTS... CHOOSE AND LET ME KNOW....

#1- front: I Will Blow You
back: UP (sabog na graphics)

#2- I only go UP (arrow pataas)

#3- HECK is for people who don't believe in GOSH

#4- i'm not antisocial. i'm just not a stupid people person.

#5- Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

#6- Caution: I know kung fu...and 6 other Chinese words.

#7- Roses are red. Violets are blue. I once thought I was ugly, until I saw YOU.

#8- Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!

#9 Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

PERSONALIZED SHIRTS ARE ALSO AVAILABLE!!!

PRICES: 180 - FEMALE SIZE SHIRT, NON-METALLIC PRINT
200 - FEMALE SIZE SHIRT, METALLIC PRINT
200 - MALE SIZE SHIRT, METALLIC/NON-METALLIC PRINT
350 - PERSONALIZED SHIRTS!

for statement shirts and couple shirts designs, pls check my note and album for sample designs! thank you!

http://www.facebook.com/notes.php?id=1583586693#/note.php?note_id=245732228204

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=36855&id=1583586693#/album.php?aid=36855&id=1583586693

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=37478&id=1583586693

MEAN by Pink

2009-11-26T03:44:00.001-08:00

You use to hold the door for me
now you can't wait to leave
You use to send me flowers if
you fucked up in my dreams
I use to make you laugh
with all the silly shit I did
now you roll your eyes and
walk away and shake your head

When the spark has gone and the candles are out
and the song is done and there's no more sound
whispers turn to yelling and I'm thinking

[Chorus:]
How do we get so mean? How do we just move on?
How do you feel in the morning
when it comes and everythings undone?
Is it 'cause we wanna be free? Well that's not me.
Normally I'm so strong
I just can't wake up on the floor
like a thousand times before
knowing that forever won't be

I'm always sentimental when I think of how it was
when love was sweet and new and we just couldn't get enough
The shower, it reminds me you'd undress me with your eyes
and now you never touch me and you tell me that you're tired

You know it gets so sad when it all goes bad
and all you think about is all the fun you've had
and all those "sorry"'s ain't never gonna mean a thing

[Chorus]

I know we said some things that we can never take back
We opened up the wine and we just let it breathe
but we should've drank it down while it was still sweet
It all goes bad eventually

why?

2009-11-23T07:14:00.000-08:00

why i do the things i do?

...sometimes it's fun to get hurt. it gives me the motivation i need to go on with my life. it makes me want to prove myself to everyone even more.

...sometimes it's easier to lie to myself than to be honest. it's my way of convincing myself that i'm better and tougher.

...sometimes it's healthy to cry. it makes me feel more human. for some reasons, i want to cry really hard but i can't. i guess i am indeed happier than before.

...sometime it's nice to reminisce those days and be thankful that they have ended. nothing lasts forever and i have proven it right.

...sometimes it's cool to know that he has found someone else though it hurts. somehow, it's an assurance that i, too, can find someone better and hopefully be happy.

...why i do the things i do? i don't know for sure but this is just how i deal with things. what is important is that i learned from such experience, whether it was a good or bad experience...

after all that we've been through...i know we're cool...

"Cool" by Gwen Stephani

It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life...
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we're hangin' out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool

wag kang makulit, wag na wag kang makulit (cabiza, 2009)

2009-11-16T08:14:00.001-08:00

ok universe...dli nko mangulit!! hahhaha

char au kron na day...nakakita jud daw ko og lalaki na ngbaktas sa matina na napagkamalan nko og siya...he-who-must-not-be-named..hehhe

nghuna-huna lang man unta ko kung naunsa na kaya toh sya somewhere sa earth..og sa dihang! naa ko sa jeep nya nakita nko iyang kahawig...white shirt, shorts, slippers, the long hair...kaso naka shades, cap at sling bag lng toh akong nakit-an...same pa jud sila mglakaw..char!

hahhahha..narealize nko na bully man pud dy si universe...ginasungog ko?? magxur!! hahaha...

ayon pa kay bembem...dili dapat nko sya huna-hunaon kay ang universe maninuod....hmmm..lesson learned!

bow!

unforgettable line for the day!!!

2009-11-05T02:22:00.000-08:00

lingaw au ang G-Force!!! weeh..heheh..

chuy au ang mga emergent pipol..sama nako, rica, lenin and bobbie..hahaha..laag dayon og downtown para mutan-aw sine..hahaha

from G-Force (Juarez): UP HIGH...DOWN LOW...TOO SLOW...

maldita kaau! hehehe

all time favorite videoke song!!!! hahahha

2009-11-04T05:00:00.000-08:00

"Out Of Reach"

Knew the signs
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK

But I was
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you

But now I'm
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach,
So far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

Out of reach,
So far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there
For me

ako ay nagbabalik!

2009-11-04T01:35:00.000-08:00

hahah...
ako ay nagbabalik jud! mao na jud ni..swear!

start of new sem..new life din! whooohooo! this will be a good start...dapat lng nuh! dapat ma-inspire na jud ko ng b onggang bongga! panagsa ra ko makaabot ani na level...packaging tape! wla ko ng-expect na ma-cl ko..pwde muhilak og tears???

finally...mubilib na jud si palong sa akoa (ate dyan)... hahaha...kaya man diay nko! sus! pulawan ug hilakan man pud lagi. dili lalim ang last sem oi! swerte lng jud ko..hehehe...

pero lingaw jud kaau sya na sem...puro kabuang! naging founder pa ko sa drinking ladies ng datcom. pati aspo...hinayupak! hahhahha...binuntagay lng bisag naay ipasa na papers and even exam or presentation...since august 2009..naging once a week habit na ang inum ug yosi..tsk3...uwala pa jud kaon kaon! ulcer ang labas..pati lbm! hahahha! chox lang! hapi man pud mi!

daghan na kaau mi og nadawdaw sa each other...mga points to ponder ni bobbie, mga quotable quotes namu na dapat tama ang citation, mga hirit na masupalpal, mga tira, mga bloopers, mga hisgot na hantod 5 am..grabeh! pero ang pinaka dili malimtan kay ang mga katawa ug kasaba namu! kami na jud!

hmmm...some lines na dapat dli malimtan:
"sa aspo, walang talo-talo"
"no preserving of manhood" (nemenzo, 2009)
"sa aspo, ang imung bisyo, imuha lang. walay BI-BI!"
"see you in the web" (parreno, 2009)
"xhet! xhet!" (ranises, 2009) late reaction au..kabalong giligoan na sya ni bobbie og gilbey's premium..hahhaa
"unsa malumos ang buwaya?" (labastilla, 2009)
"fuck you troy!" (cabiza, 2009)...hahaha...
"pagsure anak!" (requizo, 2009)
"hubog na ang babae..hahaha. daghan na mi..hahhaha" (vargas, 2009)
"unsa ang frustration sa panda?" (edralin, 2009)
...ug daghan pa jud nah! promise! hahha

kron pud na sem...gibulagan ko og uyab..(waaah! kaloser oi!) cge lng...muabot ra jud ang para sa akoa...haha..part of learning process..char! sunod, mangita na jud ko og opaw na dli pareho ang color sa iyang mga mata..dapat natural..dili natural defect..ahak! hahha...

2nd sem of 2009-2010!!! i'll deal with it somehow! bring it on!!!!
hahahahaha

Bibliography

2009-10-01T07:39:00.000-07:00

Collins, Sandra D. 2005. Managing Conflict and Workplace Relationships, Managerial Communication Series. Canada: South-Western, Thompson Corporation.

Devito, Joseph A. 1998. The Interpersonal Communication Book. USA: Addison Wesley Longman Inc.

Deacon, D, et al. 1999. Researching Communications: A Practical Guide to Methods in Media and Cultural Analysis. USA: Oxford University Press Inc.

Littlejohn, Stephen W. 1992. Theories of Human Communication. USA: Wadsworth Publishing Company, Inc.

........

Anderson, C., Rancer, A. The Relationship Between Argumentativeness, Verbal Aggressiveness, and Communication Satisfaction in Incarcerated Male Youth. 2007. The Prison Journal, Vol. 87, No. 3, 328-343. 14 September 2009. http://tpj.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/87/3/328.

Baym, Nancy K. Interpersonal Life Online. The Handbook of New Media. 2006. SAGE Publications.14 September 2009. http://sage-ereference.com/hdbk_newmedia/Article_n3.html.

Canary, D. J., Lakey, S. J. Managing Conflict in a Competent Manner: A Mindful Look at Events That Matter . The SAGE Handbook of Conflict Communication. 2006. SAGE Publications. 14 September 2009. http://sage-ereference.com/hdbk_conflictcomm/Article_n7.html.

Frantz, C. M., Seburn, M. Are Argumentative People Better or Worse at Seeing Both Sides? 2003. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Vol. 20, No. 4, 565-573. 14 September 2009.http://spr.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/20/4/565

Honeycutt, J. M. Conflict Resolution. Encyclopedia of Human Relationships. 2009. SAGE Publications. 14 September 2009. http://sage-ereference.com/humanrelationships/Article_n104.html.

Lengel, Lara. Computer-Mediated Communication. 21st Century Communication: A Reference Handbook. 2009. SAGE Publications. 14 September 2009. http://sage-ereference.com/communication/Article_n60.html.

Loffredo, D. A., Opt, S. K. Argumentativeness and Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Preferences. 2006. Journal of Psychology Type, Issue 7. 14 September 2009. http://www.aptinternational.org/assets/jptvol66_0706_apti.pdf.

Mabry, Edward A. Framing Flames: The structure of argumentative messages on the net. Journal for Computer-mediated Communication. 14 September 2009.http://jcmc.indiana.edu/vol2/issue4/mabry.html.

Martinko, Mark J. Attribution Theory. International Encyclopedia of Organization Studies. 2007. SAGE Publications. 14 September 2009. http://sage-ereference.com/organization/Article_n29.html.

Putnam, Linda L. Definitions and Approaches to Conflict and Communication. The SAGE Handbook of Conflict Communication. 2006. SAGE Publications.14 September 2009. http://sage-ereference.com/hdbk_conflictcomm/Article_n1.html.

Rancer, Andrew S. Aggressive Communication. Encyclopedia of Human Relationships. 2009. SAGE Publications. 14 September 2009. http://sage-ereference.com/humanrelationships/Article_n21.html.

Rancer, A., Kosberg, R. Enhancing Trait Argumentativeness and Skill in Arguing: A Review of Instructional Methods. 1989. Education Resources Information Center. 14 September 2009. http://www.eric.ed.gov/ERICWebPortal/custom/portlets/recordDetails/detailmini.jsp?_nfpb=true&_&ERICExtSearch_SearchValue_0=ED302857&ERICExtSearch_SearchType_0=no&accno=ED302857.

Schullery, Nancy M. Argumentative Men: Expectations of Success. 1999. Journal of Business Communication, Vol. 36, No. 4, 362-381. 14 September 2009. http://job.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/36/4/362.

Tjosvold, D., Chen, N. Conflict. International Encyclopedia of Organization Studies. 2007. SAGE Publications. 14 September 2009. http://sage-ereference.com/organization/Article_n87.html.

Walther, J. B., Van Der Heide, B. Computer-Mediated Communication. Encyclopedia of Human Relationships. 2009. SAGE Publications. 14 September 2009. http://sage-ereference.com/humanrelationships/Article_n98.html.

Review of Related Literature

2009-10-01T05:28:00.000-07:00

Arianne S. Nemenzo III BACA - SPCM
COMA 192

Review of Related Literature

Conflict Communication

Conflict communication is a popular research topic among communication scholars. Scholars have been studying conflict for more than three decades and their researches vary in focus media, variables and context, from dyads to sociopolitical conflicts. In the history of conflict research, a conference regarding conflict studies and communication Also, conflict definitions were deliberated. It is undeniable that defining conflict has greatly helped scholars to differentiate conflict from related concepts such as hostility, disagreement and misunderstanding. It has also helped in "distinguishing conflict from other types of social interaction, such as persuasion, argumentation, compliance gaining, and group decision making" (Putnam, 2006).

In relation to this, Putnam (2006) states that "conflict centers on incompatibilities of goals, values and beliefs, an expressed struggle, and interdependence, which means individuals need each other to attain their goal, among two or more parties." This definition is the summarized meaning from several accumulated scholarly definitions. In this field called conflict communication, communication' plays an important role as a variable, as a process, as an interpretative approach and as a dialectical relationship (Putnam, 2006).

With regards to the nature of conflict, there are three assumptions. First is the subjective/objective basis of conflict which tries to answer whether conflict is outside the scope of the parties involved or is it among them waiting to be perceived or constructed. Next is the normalcy of conflict which assumes that conflict is "natural, inevitable and normal." And last, conflict can be functional or dysfunctional (Putnamn, 2006).

To give readers an insight regarding communication-based theories of relational conflict, here are brief explanations of some of these theories. Game theory is focused on the strategies that an individual employs in order to "maximize gains and minimize losses" based on the strategies employed by the person's adversary (Littlejohn, 1992). Social exchange theory, on the other hand, assumes that "disputants maximized profits based on reward minus costs that were derived from social resources" which are symbolic and can be multiple. Another theory is systems theory which is a modified theory assuming that "social systems composed of individuals engaged in pattern activities that are interdependent in the process of producing outputs" (Collins, 2005)

Conflict Management Theories

One of these communication-based theories on conflict is Alan Sillars' attribution theory which is concerned with people's causal explanation of conflict phenomena. Attribution theory was established by Fritz Heider during the 1950s. Its foremost assumption is that "people's atributions affect their expectations, emotions, and behaviors" (Martinko, 2007).

When applied to conflict, this means that people's conflict management strategies greatly depends on how the other person behave. Basing on attribution theory, Sillars formulated three categories of conflict management strategies or behavior. These are avoidance behaviors, cooperative behaviors, and competitive behaviors. These strategies have been applied to several studies by Sillars and his colleagues in the contexts of married couples and roommates (Littlejohn, 1992).

According to Canary and Lakey (2006), there are three factors that affect people's choice of conflict management strategies. These are individual diferences, interpretation of the conflict and goal assessment. these strategies should also be appropriate for the situation (Tjosvold and Chen, 2007).

Usually, there are at least five strategic approaches in conflict as seen in several books. But in Sillars' attribution theory, these approaches were accumulated and put into three categories with specific classifications. In conflict, avoidance means the person have "low concern for both the people and productivity" as they employ indirect or no communication. Cooperation "promotes mutual goals and resolves conflict for mutual benefit" since it entails more open and positive communication. Competitive strategies, on the other hand, "promote their goals at the expense of the others' goals" which is characterized by negative messages (Tjosvold and Chen, 2007; Littlejohn, 1992).

Argumentativeness

Argumentativeness is a person's willingness to argue for a point of view, the tendency to speak one's mind on significant isue" (Devito, 1998). Argumentativeness is a constructive form of aggressive communication. It is together with assertiveness and with destructive forms, hostility and verbal aggressiveness. This communication trait is classified into three groups or levels: high, moderate and low. High argumentative individuals hold positive beliefs while low argumentative individuals hold negative beliefs about arguing. Moderate argumentative individuals, on the other hand, are also classified into three: conflicted-feeling, apathetic and neutral moderates (Rancer, 2009). This classification of moderate argumentative individuals is different from the one mentioned in the rationale which is based on individuals' approach and avoidance behavior.

According to Rancer (2009), one must understand the role of communication traits which includes argumentativeness and predispositions in conflict since it "explains much of a persons' message-sending and message-receiver behavior." In context like communication-mediated communication, the researcher assumes that these behaviors will be manifested in the messages.

In some related studies, it was verified that argumentativeness is associated with individuals' credibility, perceptions of power and competence. Also, is it related with "higher levels of self-esteem." Studies also show that high argumentative persons are more likely to be group leaders compared to low argumentative persons (Rancer, 2009). In addition, argumentativeness is associated with managerial qualities like group leadership and decision-making. In the study of Schullery (1999) regarding the level of argumentativeness of supervisors, female supervisors are moderate while male supervisors are high. Gender differences in the trait argumentativeness in workplace is apparent.

In the study of Frantz and Seburn (2003), high argumentative individuals are more openminded and impartial in low-preference conflicts but bias in high-preference conflicts. Also, in a study that examines the relationship of argumentativeness, verbal aggression and communication satisfaction among incarcerated male youth, the results states that argumentativeness and verbal aggression has a moderate and positive relationship (Anderson and Rancer, 2007).

Aside from communication field, argumentativeness is also a popular research topic in psychology field. in the study of Loffredo and Opt (2006) which examined the relationship between argumentativeness and Myers-BriggsType Indicator (MBTI) preferences, "participants who preffered Intuition and Thinking were more likely to be argumentative than participants with Sensing and Feeling preferences."

Content Analysis

In studying conflict, "a variety of procedures including self-report questionnaires, behavioral observation and coding of arguments and conversations and clinical interviews" (Honeycutt, 2009). Aside from employing survey questionnaires, this research will use content analysis of themes. Content analysis is used in order to "quantify salient and manifest features of a large number of texts, and the statististics are used to make broader inferences about the processes and politics of representation." It is widely used and appropriate for communication and cultural studies (Deacon, et al., 1999). Mabry's research about the use of strategic message structuring tactic known as framing in CMC is the basis of this research's methodology since it involves random sampling and content analysis of messages.

Computer-mediated Communication

Computer-mediated communication is defined as a "domain of human communication in which individuals and groups interact from impressions, establish relationships and accomplish tasks using network computers" (Van der Heide and Walther, 2009). In CMC, there are two theoretical perspectives: the relationship-lost perspective and relationship-liberated perspective. Relationship-liberated perspective is supported by Walther's social information processing theory. This perspective assumes that people will "adapt the textual cues to meet their needs when faced with a channel that does not carry visual aural cues." Interpersonal relationship in CMC is affected by thre factors: natural motivation to make friends, skills development in decoding textual cues, and adaptating strategies for attaining psychological-level knowledge (Van der Heide and Walther, 2009).

There are also two forms of computer-mediated communication namely asynchronous media which includes mailing lists, newsgroups, message boards and blogs, and synchronous media which includes chat, MUDs and MOOs and instant messages. Synchronous media involves real time while in asynchronous, interaction is not immediate. Common issues in CMC involves language use, identities, relationships and social groups (Baym, 2006).

PinoyExchange

PinoyExchange in a Filipino online board community founded by Dr. Michael Nolledo on July 12, 1999. PinoyExchange members can choose from more than 35 discussion areas and post messages on discussion boards in any of thousands of threads or forums. According to Baym (2006), the term "community" is almost synonymous with "online group." Community in CMC is an emergent process in which the result is a "set of social meanings." This set of meanings includes "identities, relationship and group-specific forms of expression and behavioral standards." In general, any group that is involved in social discussion is called a community.

Since the context of this study is computer-mediated communication where words or verbal cues are only present, attributions are also greatly employed. Also, there has been no definite study which made use of conflict management strategies and argumentativeness as variables in any context . However, there have been attempts to integrate principles of argumentation, interpersonal communication, and conflict management, and several benefits of high motivation to argue ans skill in informal arguing (Roberta and Rancer 1989). Though it has been said that high argumentatives has high tendency to approach conflict and low argumentatives has high tendency to avoid conflicts, specific behavior or strategy has not been identified using an established categories. This research will try to determine the conflict management strategies used by high, moderate and low argumentatives in the context of computer-mediated communication, in PinoyExchange in particular.Conflict Communication

Conflict communication is a popular research topic among communication scholars. Scholars have been studying conflict for more than three decades and their researches vary in focus media, variables and context, from dyads to sociopolitical conflicts. In the history of conflict research, a conference regarding conflict studies and communication Also, conflict definitions were deliberated. It is undeniable that defining conflict has greatly helped scholars to differentiate conflict from related concepts such as hostility, disagreement and misunderstanding. It has also helped in "distinguishing conflict from other types of social interaction, such as persuasion, argumentation, compliance gaining, and group decision making" (Putnam, 2006).

In relation to this, Putnam (2006) states that "conflict centers on incompatibilities of goals, values and beliefs, an expressed struggle, and interdependence, which means individuals need each other to attain their goal, among two or more parties." This definition is the summarized meaning from several accumulated scholarly definitions. In this field called conflict communication, communication' plays an important role as a variable, as a process, as an interpretative approach and as a dialectical relationship (Putnam, 2006).

With regards to the nature of conflict, there are three assumptions. First is the subjective/objective basis of conflict which tries to answer whether conflict is outside the scope of the parties involved or is it among them waiting to be perceived or constructed. Next is the normalcy of conflict which assumes that conflict is "natural, inevitable and normal." And last, conflict can be functional or dysfunctional (Putnamn, 2006).

To give readers an insight regarding communication-based theories of relational conflict, here are brief explanations of some of these theories. Game theory is focused on the strategies that an individual employs in order to "maximize gains and minimize losses" based on the strategies employed by the person's adversary (Littlejohn, 1992). Social exchange theory, on the other hand, assumes that "disputants maximized profits based on reward minus costs that were derived from social resources" which are symbolic and can be multiple. Another theory is systems theory which is a modified theory assuming that "social systems composed of individuals engaged in pattern activities that are interdependent in the process of producing outputs" (Collins, 2005)

Conflict Management Theories

One of these communication-based theories on conflict is Alan Sillars' attribution theory which is concerned with people's causal explanation of conflict phenomena. Attribution theory was established by Fritz Heider during the 1950s. Its foremost assumption is that "people's atributions affect their expectations, emotions, and behaviors" (Martinko, 2007).

When applied to conflict, this means that people's conflict management strategies greatly depends on how the other person behave. Basing on attribution theory, Sillars formulated three categories of conflict management strategies or behavior. These are avoidance behaviors, cooperative behaviors, and competitive behaviors. These strategies have been applied to several studies by Sillars and his colleagues in the contexts of married couples and roommates (Littlejohn, 1992).

According to Canary and Lakey (2006), there are three factors that affect people's choice of conflict management strategies. These are individual diferences, interpretation of the conflict and goal assessment. these strategies should also be appropriate for the situation (Tjosvold and Chen, 2007).

Usually, there are at least five strategic approaches in conflict as seen in several books. But in Sillars' attribution theory, these approaches were accumulated and put into three categories with specific classifications. In conflict, avoidance means the person have "low concern for both the people and productivity" as they employ indirect or no communication. Cooperation "promotes mutual goals and resolves conflict for mutual benefit" since it entails more open and positive communication. Competitive strategies, on the other hand, "promote their goals at the expense of the others' goals" which is characterized by negative messages (Tjosvold and Chen, 2007; Littlejohn, 1992).

Argumentativeness

Argumentativeness is a person's willingness to argue for a point of view, the tendency to speak one's mind on significant isue" (Devito, 1998). Argumentativeness is a constructive form of aggressive communication. It is together with assertiveness and with destructive forms, hostility and verbal aggressiveness. This communication trait is classified into three groups or levels: high, moderate and low. High argumentative individuals hold positive beliefs while low argumentative individuals hold negative beliefs about arguing. Moderate argumentative individuals, on the other hand, are also classified into three: conflicted-feeling, apathetic and neutral moderates (Rancer, 2009). This classification of moderate argumentative individuals is different from the one mentioned in the rationale which is based on individuals' approach and avoidance behavior.

According to Rancer (2009), one must understand the role of communication traits which includes argumentativeness and predispositions in conflict since it "explains much of a persons' message-sending and message-receiver behavior." In context like communication-mediated communication, the researcher assumes that these behaviors will be manifested in the messages.

In some related studies, it was verified that argumentativeness is associated with individuals' credibility, perceptions of power and competence. Also, is it related with "higher levels of self-esteem." Studies also show that high argumentative persons are more likely to be group leaders compared to low argumentative persons (Rancer, 2009). In addition, argumentativeness is associated with managerial qualities like group leadership and decision-making. In the study of Schullery (1999) regarding the level of argumentativeness of supervisors, female supervisors are moderate while male supervisors are high. Gender differences in the trait argumentativeness in workplace is apparent.

In the study of Frantz and Seburn (2003), high argumentative individuals are more openminded and impartial in low-preference conflicts but bias in high-preference conflicts. Also, in a study that examines the relationship of argumentativeness, verbal aggression and communication satisfaction among incarcerated male youth, the results states that argumentativeness and verbal aggression has a moderate and positive relationship (Anderson and Rancer, 2007).

Aside from communication field, argumentativeness is also a popular research topic in psychology field. in the study of Loffredo and Opt (2006) which examined the relationship between argumentativeness and Myers-BriggsType Indicator (MBTI) preferences, "participants who preffered Intuition and Thinking were more likely to be argumentative than participants with Sensing and Feeling preferences."

Content Analysis

In studying conflict, "a variety of procedures including self-report questionnaires, behavioral observation and coding of arguments and conversations and clinical interviews" (Honeycutt, 2009). Aside from employing survey questionnaires, this research will use content analysis of themes. Content analysis is used in order to "quantify salient and manifest features of a large number of texts, and the statististics are used to make broader inferences about the processes and politics of representation." It is widely used and appropriate for communication and cultural studies (Deacon, et al., 1999). Mabry's research about the use of strategic message structuring tactic known as framing in CMC is the basis of this research's methodology since it involves random sampling and content analysis of messages.

Computer-mediated Communication

Computer-mediated communication is defined as a "domain of human communication in which individuals and groups interact from impressions, establish relationships and accomplish tasks using network computers" (Van der Heide and Walther, 2009). In CMC, there are two theoretical perspectives: the relationship-lost perspective and relationship-liberated perspective. Relationship-liberated perspective is supported by Walther's social information processing theory. This perspective assumes that people will "adapt the textual cues to meet their needs when faced with a channel that does not carry visual aural cues." Interpersonal relationship in CMC is affected by thre factors: natural motivation to make friends, skills development in decoding textual cues, and adaptating strategies for attaining psychological-level knowledge (Van der Heide and Walther, 2009).

There are also two forms of computer-mediated communication namely asynchronous media which includes mailing lists, newsgroups, message boards and blogs, and synchronous media which includes chat, MUDs and MOOs and instant messages. Synchronous media involves real time while in asynchronous, interaction is not immediate. Common issues in CMC involves language use, identities, relationships and social groups (Baym, 2006).

PinoyExchange

PinoyExchange in a Filipino online board community founded by Dr. Michael Nolledo on July 12, 1999. PinoyExchange members can choose from more than 35 discussion areas and post messages on discussion boards in any of thousands of threads or forums. According to Baym (2006), the term "community" is almost synonymous with "online group." Community in CMC is an emergent process in which the result is a "set of social meanings." This set of meanings includes "identities, relationship and group-specific forms of expression and behavioral standards." In general, any group that is involved in social discussion is called a community.

Since the context of this study is computer-mediated communication where words or verbal cues are only present, attributions are also greatly employed. Also, there has been no definite study which made use of conflict management strategies and argumentativeness as variables in any context . However, there have been attempts to integrate principles of argumentation, interpersonal communication, and conflict management, and several benefits of high motivation to argue ans skill in informal arguing (Roberta and Rancer 1989). Though it has been said that high argumentatives has high tendency to approach conflict and low argumentatives has high tendency to avoid conflicts, specific behavior or strategy has not been identified using an established categories. This research will try to determine the conflict management strategies used by high, moderate and low argumentatives in the context of computer-mediated communication, in PinoyExchange in particular.

book launching and birthday celebration!!!

2009-09-30T06:13:00.000-07:00

hehe...nagsunod man ang mga pangyayari mao patuyang na lng pud mi..hehehe

conflict management coding scheme

2009-09-30T05:55:00.000-07:00

Avoidance Behaviors
A. Denial and equivocation
1. Direct denial. Person explicitly denies a conflict is present.
2. Implicit denial. Statements that imply denial by providing a rationale for a denial statement, although the denial is not explicit.
3. Evasive remark. Failure to acknowledge or deny the presence of a conflict following a statement or inquiry about the conflict by the partner.

B. Topic Management
4. Topic shifts. A break in the natural flow of discussion that directs the topic focus away from discussion of the issue as it applies to the immediate parties. Do not count topic shifts that occur after the discussion appears to have reached a natural culmination.
5. Topic avoidance. Statements that explicitly terminate the discussion of a conflict issue before it has been fully discussed.

C. Noncommittal Remarks
6. Abstract remarks. Abstract principles, generalizations, or hypothetical statements. Speaking about the issue on a high level of abstraction. No reference is made to the actual state of affairs between the immediate parties.
7. Noncommittal statements. Statements that neither affirm nor deny the presence of a conflict and that are not evasive replies or topic shifts.
8. Noncommittal questions. Unfocused questions or those that rephrase the questions given by the researcher.
9. Procedural remarks. Procedural statements that supplant discussion of the conflict.

D. Irreverent Remarks
10. Joking. Nonhostile joking that interrupts or supplements serious consideration of the issue.

Cooperative Behaviors
E. Analytic Remarks
11. Description. Nonevaluative, nonblaming, factual description of the nature and extent of the problem.
12. Qualification. Discussion explicitly limits the nature and extent of the problem by trying the issue to specific behavioral events.
13. Disclosure. Providing "nonobservable" information: i.e., information about thoughts, feelings intentions, causes of behavior, or past experience relevant to the issue that the partner would not have the opportunity to observe.
14. Soliciting disclosure. Asking specifically for information concerning the other that the person himself or herself would not have the opportunity to observe (i.e., thoughts, feelings, intentions, causes of behavior, experiences).
15. Soliciting criticism. Nonhostile questions soliciting criticism of oneself.

F. Conciliatory Remarks
16. Empathy or support. Expressing understanding , support, or acceptance of the other person or commenting on the others' positive characteristics or shared interests, goals, and compatibilities.
17. Concessions. Statements that express a willingness to change, show flexibility, make concessions, or consider mutually acceptable solutions to conflict.
18. Accepting responsibility. Statements that attribute some casualty for the problem to oneself.

Competitive Behaviors
G. Confrontative Remarks
19. Personal criticism. Stating or implying a negative evaluation of the partner.
20. Rejection. Rejecting the partner's opinions in a way that implies personal rejecting as well as disagreement.
21. Hostile imperatives. Threats, demands, arguments, or other prescriptive statements that implicitly blame the partner and seek change in the partner's behavior.
22. Hostile questioning. Questions that fault or blame the other person.
23. Presumptive attribution. Attribution thoughts, feelings, intentions, and causes to the partner that the partner does not acknowledge. this code is the opposite of " soliciting disclosure."
24. Denial of responsibility. Statements that deny or minimize personal responsibility for the conflict.

Source: Allan Sillars' Conflict Management Coding Scheme (Littlejohn, 1992).
25.

argumentativeness scale

2009-09-30T04:20:00.000-07:00

How argumentative are you?
Please indicate how often each statement is true for you personally according to the following scale:

1=Almost never true
2=Rarely true
3=Occasionally true
4=Often true
5=Almost always true

1. I feel excitement when I expect that a conversation I am in is leading to an argument.

2. I try to avoid getting into arguments.

3. I have the ability to do well in an argument.

4. I feel refreshed and satisfied after an argument on a controversial issue.

5. I find myself unable to think of effective points during an argument.

6. I consider an argument an exciting intellectual challenge.

7. I prefer being with people who rarely disagree with me.

8. I do not like to miss the opportunity to argue a controversial issue.

9. I am happy when I keep an argument from happening.

10. I enjoy defending my point of view on an issue.

11. I get an unpleasant feeling when I realize I am about to get into an argument.

12. I enjoy a good argument over a controversial issue.

13. When I finish arguing with someone I feel nervous and upset.

14. I have a pleasant, good feeling when I win a point in an argument.

15. Arguing with a person creates more problems for me than it solves.

16. Once I finish an argument I promise myself that I will not get into another.

17. I am energetic and enthusiastic when I argue.

18. I enjoy avoiding arguments.

19. Arguing over controversial issues improves my intelligence.

20. While in an argument, I worry that the person I am arguing with will form a negative impression of me.

Source: Infante and Rancer's Argumentativeness Scale (Devito, 1998).

it doens't matter

2009-09-21T07:34:00.001-07:00

it doesn't matter...who is without a flaw?

tama nga naman...hahay...

dear universe

2009-09-21T06:54:00.000-07:00

dear universe,

why do i have this feeling na makarelate jud ko kay yukari sa paradise kiss..char...hilas! hahah...ai adik! with her line "my existence is dull." char!

pero echusera jud kaayo sya...naglayas na, she quit school pa. haha...just for the sake of living her life on her own...dli man ko ka-dare ana oi. wla pa man pud ko nasagpaan ni mama..haha...

if mglayaw ko, asa pud ko puniton. wala man koy friend na gaya ni minako na full support jud ang drama. hehe...dungag2 lng ko sa ilang problema...if mgquit ko og school, mg-unsa ko? wla man koy connections para makasulod og job..hahay..wlay pulos jud ko ai.

erase na nang plano na mu-quit sa school oi..mao na lng gani na nagapatuyok sa akong pathetic world,mawala pa jud..hahayy..wla man lang koy hobby or sport or addiction..bitaw oi...tama jud ang ingon ni george..."you always put blame on others." hehe...sala nila nganong in-ani ko...ka-harsh na lng jud oi..haha...

adik man toh na anime oi...makahapi...na makasad...haha

"if you fail an exam, you are not being responsible. it is your responsibility." -george

ps. tnx universe!

...yhani...

sorry na....

2009-09-18T09:11:00.000-07:00

ai naman!

i never meant to hurt anyone...gnatest lng nko akong style in writing kung pwde na bah...

hmm...

sorry

MAYBE

2009-09-17T02:02:00.000-07:00

Being in a romantic, long distance relationship with Ting for one and half year, all I can say is…FINE!

Don’t get me wrong. I do love him. He is not the good-to-be-true guy but he’s cool. He is a bully but he cares. He really has a sense of humor. He’s happy-go-lucky but he’s smart. Most of all, he doesn’t look like but he do have plans for his life.

A lot of people have told me that long distance relationship is really stupid or there is no such thing called love in this kind of relationship. I am even skeptic about it. But still, I entered this realm of love, of uncertainty, of detachment. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! I got myself into this. No one should be blamed other than me, myself and I.

I am used to this. I will get used to this. I have to get used to this. (It’s my choice, anyway.) But do I really have to get used to this? Do I deserve to be stuck with someone (of course, not literally because he is AWAY) who only gets to see me once or twice or thrice (at most) in a year? Do I really have to wait for 48 years just to see him personally? Do I really have to stick in this relationship and let all the “good” men pass me by? Do I really have to maintain this relationship by having FAITH in all the stuffs that he sends through my computer and cell phone? (For goodness sake!)

This is pathetic! Finally, I have the courage to say this. P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C!!! I can’t believe this whole thing lasted for one and a half year. I realize that I really do have developed the virtue of patience after all.

All of a sudden, I got all these questions running inside my head. And maybe, maybe, just maybe, I’m better off without this relationship.

Maybe my relationship with Ting is just too easy, too cool, and too separate to be true. Maybe he is actually asking the same questions too. Maybe he doesn’t want this situation we’re in like I never wanted this myself. Maybe we both hate responsibility and commitment that we just resort to get ourselves into long distance relationship. Maybe we just wanted to be friends or best friends. Maybe we should stay as friends.

Maybe he just texts me or posts messages in my FS because he feels that I need to hear from him. Maybe he cares about me because that is what boyfriends should do. Maybe he talks a lot of funny things because he doesn’t want anything serious to happen between us. Maybe we have different priorities in life. Maybe we perceive things differently. Maybe we are different (of course, we are), too different to even bother talking about it.

Maybe we click because we think we click. Maybe we are happy because we think we will be happy together someday. Maybe we stick in this relationship because we think we found the one. Maybe we are ok with this because we think that the other is really happy and fine with this. Maybe we are wrong after all.

Maybe we are just not meant to be lovers. Maybe we don’t love each other. Maybe we just care. Maybe I don’t love him at all. Or worse, maybe I love him so much that I am willing to wait even for years, to bear all this drama, and to be pathetic, but he ACTUALLY doesn’t love me.

Just maybe.

bitter and sad

2009-09-09T08:34:00.000-07:00

haahaha..kron lng nko narealize na ang song sa latest album ni maria mena na cause and effect kay about fears, family conflicts, relationships...mkarelate ko..haha...

nahapi jud daw ko...hay...fan nko nya...

nice au ang mga songs..haha..

>Power trip ballad

The way in which I fear is only a reflection of you
The devastating childhood, the powertrip you forced me through
But how could he leave you how could he fuck that whore he left you for, get
revenge!
And by all means ask your nine year old daughter to choose between you, don't stay friends

Now let her in on how he's the devil
He's just been falsely portrayed
But force her to go stay at his house once a week
Cause you wanna get laid

Ask me why he scares me
Do you wanna know why I'm angry?
Can't you tell I'm crying?
Mother I don't feel good

You will always be the bitter saddest part of me

Your girl's in the bathroom washing her hands again why doesn't she eat?
Her father left us, What about me? I can't rest, I can't sleep
Mommy loves you, I'm just tired of you and your bother's shit
And I didn't mean to hit you but you were asking for it

Ask me why she scares me
Do you wanna know why I'm angry?
Can't you tell I'm crying?
Mother I don't feel good

You will always be the bitter, saddest part of me
You will always be the bitter, saddest part of me


>I'm on your side

Each confession I make
Translates to you as an insult
We must rid ourselves of this habit
I once heard you say youll never love anyone more
Then why am I still fighting you?
And its never felt like this before
No, we have never fought like this before
But you should know

That I'm on your side
I am on your side
Although it may seem useless
I am on your side

Your hands are bearing one down to the bone
But youre still holding on me
So I tightened my grip
My god I wont let you slip
But can you breath this way
And its never felt like this before
No, weve never fought like this before

And I'm on your side
I am on your side
Although it may seem useless
I am on your side
I am on your side

Love was never this frale or so good when its good
No its never felt like this before
No its never felt like this before

And Im on your side
I am on your side
Although it may seem useless
I am on your side
I am on your side


>I'm in Love

He allegedly fell for me
through an open window
Cracked his chest open
to reveal his heart
still skeptic of my intentions
he made me swear
that I would always be there
I will always be here

Oh I’m in love
Again, again
And you may call me tomorrow my friend, yes
You may kiss me again and again
I’ll hold on tight

I climbed upon his shoulders
And laughed until I cried
The view and I collide
To see this through his eyes
We never looked so pretty
Never seemed so real
I let go of myself now
And tell him how I feel

Cause I’m in love again, again
And you may call me tomorrow my friend, yes
You may kiss me again and again
I’ll hold on tight

So I let go of myself now
And tell him how I feel
Cause I’m in love again, again
And you may call me tomorrow my friend, yes
You may kiss me again and again
I’ll hold on tight

I’m in love again, again
And you may call me tomorrow my friend, yes
You may kiss me again and again
I’ll hold on tight

I’ll hold on tight (2x)
I am on your side

he wasn't there

2009-09-03T07:14:00.000-07:00

He wasn't there when I needed him
No, he was never around
His reputation was preceding him
And he was out on the town
It didn't matter if he let me down
I didn't care about the lies
Now all I knew was that he loved me very much
He was my hero in disguise

I'm so pleased I never gave up on him
Oh well you wouldn't believe some of the things that he did
And everyone said you have to give him some time
And I'm glad that I gave it to him cause now everything's fine

Now you see I never thought you'd be
a constant person in my life
And I don't think that you would be
if you'd have stayed with your ex wife
I know you wouldn't but there is no need
No need to apologise
Because I know you'll always love me very much
You are my hero in disguise

I'm so pleased I never gave up on him
Oh well you wouldn't believe some of the things that he did
And everyone said you have to give him some time
And I'm glad that I gave it to him cause now everything's fine

You might have thought you didn't teach me much
But you taught me right from wrong
And it was when you didn't keep in touch
Well it taught me to be strong
And just in case you ever thought I would
I wouldn't change you for the world
Because I know you'll always love me very much
I'll always be you're little girl

I'm so pleased I never gave up on him
Oh well you wouldn't believe some of the things that he did
And everyone said you have to give him some time
And I'm glad that I gave it to him cause now everything's fine

Typical but Not Simple

2009-08-27T00:28:00.000-07:00

I would really like to have a unisex or even a masculine name. But wishing is all I can do. I don’t have a choice since my mother named me after Avon’s brand of lotion, Ariane. She just made a single modification to it. Instead of having one letter n, I spell my name with two. Arianne Nemenzo.

Along with this name, I am known as a person who is “walay libog, kay libog na man daan.” I hate problems but I just love to complicate things. And this is my untold story.

Gender Identity

It is ironic that I belong in a female majority household but I do not act femininely. I am more inclined and comfortable engaging in masculine activities. If there is someone to be blamed for this, it would be my mother’s obstetrician-gynecologist who said that I would come out as baby boy. My parents were really excited then since they were asking the heaven for a son. They bought baby stuffs in advance and everything was in blue. Unfortunately, I was given birth on the 28^th of September, 1990 as a baby girl. Since then, I was treated as the second male member of the family.

Unlike female kids who already wore skirts and pink stuffs at the age of four or so, I was still stuck in my loose shirt and hip-hop shorts. Growing up, I did not appreciate the color pink and wearing skirts. I played with toy guns and miniature cars since I didn’t have a plastic doll until a classmate gave me one as a Christmas gift in my first grade. As what I can remember, I even tried standing while urinating. And it was such a mess.

When I was in high school, gender was not an issue. I did not care since no one really bothered to ask. Besides, I was sure about myself that even though I’m boyish, I am a female. It was until I came to UP Mindanao that I started to question my sexuality. UP Mindanao students seem to be straightforward, honest and sure about what they are. They proclaim themselves or are labeled as gay, lesbian, bisexual or straight. I felt the pressure to be enlightened as to whether I am straight or not. The worst thing about my situation is that even my parents and sisters were either in doubt or thought I’m a lesbian. They were not helping me at all.

When I engaged into a romantic yet long distance relationship with a male friend, I gradually affirmed my gender identity. I even introduced Ting (my boyfriend for a year and half now) to my family to prove and support my claim that I am a straight woman who likes straight men. Now, whenever other people ask me why I sometimes behave like a man, I just answer them “Wala ka kabalo? Lalaki man ko sa past life.”

Others claim that gender is not everything and it is just a part of who we are. It is true. However, I can’t deny that gender is one of my major personal concerns. With all the uncertainties in this world, at least I know something certain that I can brag about. It is my gender identity.

Ethnic Identity

With regards to my ethnic identity, I find it insignificant. In my family, we do not associate our behaviors and attitudes with our ethnic background. As a matter of fact, I don’t know how to call myself though I am sure I’m 50% Boholano, 25% Cebuano and 25% Ilocano. My mother is a Boholano and my father is a mix of Cebuano and Ilocano. As a Boholano (known for their “idya-idya, aho-aho” concept or selfish attitude), my mother is quite generous. At times, she even gives too much of what she has. On the other hand, my father who is half Ilocano (known for being “kuripot” or their niggardliness) is extravagant especially when it comes to food.

To avoid getting confused, I just take on my regional identity since I find it easier to identify with. I ascribe myself as a Panaboan because of one apparent reason, I reside in Panabo City.

Dealing with Family Conflict

Ever since I could remember, my parents fight over their issues about trust, fidelity, money and respect. A week would never be complete without their heated arguments. It became so usual that I got used to the feeling of fear and anguish. At that very young age, I was so exposed to domestic violence that now I actually enjoy imagining brutal and homicidal incidents.

Before, life at home was chaos – hitting, cursing and shouting at each other. I observed that every time my parents fight, my senses especially my sight and hearing seem to be more efficient. I became more observant and alert. I think it’s my way of adapting to that violent culture. It was my routine to first notice what my father has in hand since he has a tendency to hit my mother with anything he was holding. As much as possible, I would stay in the kitchen, hide the all knives in the cabinet or hold a knife behind my back just in case things get worse.

When I was in grade school, I met friends who are also into the same situation. From that point, I concluded that in marriage it is common and expected for men to cheat and hit women. I was in high school when I became bitter about my father, who is controlling, arrogant, sexist and liar, and my mother, who acts as if she is really helpless and without choice at all. She could have stopped the terrible things from happening by realizing earlier that she is better without my father. I even told her “Ma, dli man na gugma, tinanga na man na.”

Mass media particularly the television has also influenced me during those years. I became aware that I belong to a patriarchal and sexist society where males’ authority is highly recognized. (Fortunately nowadays, women learned to defy such set up and get to rule their own lives.) Thanks to media, I learned to label my father as an abusive husband and a drunkard, and my mother as a battered wife. I also became aware that even the most successful and beautiful people are failures when it comes to marriage.

It was my life’s turning point. I became protective about my mother, sisters and female friends. I don’t take men seriously. I quit being idealistic about having a happy family. I choose reality over my worthless dreams. I don’t believe anymore in the sanctity of marriage. For me, it is just a mere ceremony where two persons are allowed to lie in front of God and everybody seems to be happy about it.

Religious Identity

I identify myself as a baptized yet a non-practicing Roman Catholic. I come from a family which is formerly religious. For some uncertain reasons, my family eventually decided to relinquish our religious commitment. First was my father, then my older sisters, me and the last was my mother. My family ceased to observe religious practices like going to church or chapel to attend a mass, taking part in community activities and praying the novena every six o’clock in the evening. But we still celebrate the fiesta of our patron saint, Christmas and other major religious events.

In our village, most families are Catholic and so everyone is encouraged to attend the weekly mass in our chapel and participate in parochial activities. When I was younger, I was constantly told that there is heaven or paradise where good people go after they die. To get there, I must refrain from committing sins, go to church and pray after I wake up, before eating and before going to bed. Basically, I had to be a religious person. My parents were also into community and religious roles which I really find ironic and pretentious. They would talk about God and His goodness with other people but then at home, we were in constant hostility.

Also, my family had to deal with the women in our neighborhood who are really fond of sticking their noses in other people’s business. Our family problem was their favorite topic and this made me feel so humiliated that I avoided these people. When my mother came to her sense and influenced a major change in the family, I was really relieved. I don’t feel awkward or guilty when I socialize with our neighbors unlike before. Finally, we became honest with ourselves. I have also accepted the fact that we might not make it to heaven.

Communication Style and Concept of Respect

Being the youngest family member is the first identity I became aware of. Part of this identity is my obligation to respect the older members, my sisters and parents. When I turned sixteen, I became aware of my family’s “latest” concept of respect. Respect is not shown through the practice of “pagmamano” or “pag-amin” since it is just a routine. Also, it is not based on how we address each other but by actually complying with what the other asks us to do. This is also true in the way I deal with other people.

Aside from calling my parents as Ma and Pa or Pang, I also call them by their nicknames, Lotlot and Bentot, when I make fun of them. I also call Phoebe, the eldest child, as “Pakdat” and Dyan, the middle child, as “Palong” except when I talk about them to other who I am not acquainted with. I don’t use “Ate” to address my sisters because I am well aware that Pakdat thinks and Palong looks younger than I. Getting used to this practice, I address unfamiliar people by their first names. It is because calling someone by his/her nickname connotes exclusiveness and closeness between me and that person.

In my family, we communicate to each other casually. What I mean about casual is that we talk to each other as if we are just of the same age. I once commented on my father’s routine saying, “Pang, balhin-balhin na sad nimu nang tamon? Kung maibot pa lagi ning balay, dugay ra jud ni nimu giisbog bah!” And his reply was “Pag-sure oi!”

We also use offensive or obscene words like the male and female private parts and swearwords as mere expressions. We talk about supposedly taboo matters like sex, failures and past conflicts as if they mean nothing to us. We are also fond of “padungog-dungog” or saying something indirectly especially when we are displeased. Every time my mother asks me to prepare her a cup of coffee but then I don’t do it immediately, she would say, “Keng, bungol-bungol lagi ka.” What she actually meant by her statement was that I am indolent and stubborn.

When I am with other people, those who don’t really know me usually find me “bastos” or bad-mannered because of the way I talk. I say “Ay bilat!” when I am surprised and “Ay putang-ina!” when I know something is wrong or when I’m annoyed. I also tend to say something that has a different or opposite meaning. Fortunately, I found friends in UP Mindanao who care less about the way I express myself. So to keep others from being offended, I became honest with my opinions. However, I often get scolded for being mean and too honest.

Class Identity and Educational Background

With regards to socioeconomic status, my family belongs to what I consider the middle class – the not-that-poor and not-that-rich family. We just have enough resources to satisfy our basic necessities since both my parents are professionals and earning monthly income. Being in the middle class, we experience both the comforts as well as crises which made me appreciate the value of money, hard work and good education.

Since education is greatly valued in my family, my sisters and I were enrolled in schools which are of quality. For six years, I studied at San Vicente Elementary School where my mother teaches. Our school was then considered as one of Panabo City’s barrio schools, the lower standard. However, I was not really downhearted since my sisters who also studied in SVES have proven that students from barrio schools do excel in high school.

Just like my sisters, I studied in Davao del Norte State College Laboratory High School. It is a semi-private, semi-public high school and students can only be admitted in DNSC if they have taken and passed the entrance exam. Unlike in grade school where I was pampered, DNSC gave me the first taste of sleepless nights and failing grades. I really had a tough four years in that institution.

For four years, my life was subjected to all sorts of pressure. It was during those years when my parents started to pressure me about my studies and compare me with my sisters. For the first time, I felt the strong need to prove myself that I am better than my sisters who are smart, sociable and popular not just to my parents but also to other people. I participated in science quiz bees, school organizations and sports, and I even had my first romantic relationship just to show that I’m good at balancing my studies, extracurricular activities and social life.

I took on leadership roles that I never really enjoyed. I was the President of our high school’s Student Body Organization yet I was powerless and useless. The organization’s plan of actions, every proposed activities and projects have to be approved by our Dean of Institute of Education. As a student leader, I never really had the opportunity to do my duties and responsibilities. This is the reason I am not really committed to any organization here in UP Mindanao that I am affiliated with. Even if I am an organization officer, I rarely participate in meetings. I don’t feel that I’m a big loss in that organization. They can still function and attain the group’s common goals even without my help.

When I graduated in high school, I was not the class valedictorian and so my family was really disappointed with me. They blamed my habit of watching anime series, texting and studying while listening to music. I also felt bad about what happened but I’ve already expected it. I found no reason to strive hard and excel in my studies. In the last two quarters of my fourth year, I got tired of everything, the academic competition and family problems. I realized that my family is not a good source of motivation. My parents and sisters pressure me to be best yet they always fail to appreciate what I have already achieved. I am just never good enough.

When I came here to UP Mindanao to study BA Communication Arts, I had a brand new start. Also, this chapter of my life became an opportunity for my family to push me again. This time, it is harder.

A lot of my classmates tag me as “gahutera.” Though I really don’t like others to perceive me this way, I can’t blame them because I actually act like a “gahutera”. Just like before, I have to prove that I can survive this academic life with flying colors. College life seems to be my chance to redeem myself. However, I think I know how to deal with pressure better now. I always remind myself that my life is not solely about academic success. I balance my studies and social life by going-out with my UP friends before or after a busy week. I really want to enjoy my university life so that in case I fail the second time around, I won’t regret it that much.

Basically, my identity is shaped and nurtured by my family. As the foundation of society and my primary cultural group, it is where I initially developed my values, beliefs and habits. I am so connected with family that even little things they say and do affect my whole being. Almost everything about how I became who I am today can be traced back to my family’s ways and to the significant changes we went through.

Within almost nineteen years of living in this world, I made some realizations based on my cultural experiences. Culture really does change, thus, a person still needs to adapt to his or her native culture. In my case, I have to continually exert effort to cope with my family’s culture. Also, I refuse to believe that my experiences define who I am. I am not a unique individual because I’ve been through this and that. My life’s complexities are just a part of my whole being. And what actually define me are the identities that I allowed to be given to me by other people and the identities that I give to myself.

Habal-habal: A Different Kind of Ride

2009-08-02T18:56:00.000-07:00

Sweat oozes as temperature rises. The heat is killing you. The touch on your arms down to your thighs excites you and the soft whispers in your ears drive you crazy. Every thrust blows your mind that you want to pump more and harder. You press yourself hard on the body trapped between your thighs making sure that you are almost fixed to it. You stay focused but you forget everything along the way. Your grip becomes tighter; you don’t want to lose the moment. And just like anything done in haste, the whole act is over without you grasping the longed satisfaction.

This is how it is riding motorcycle under the battering heat of the sun. Wind is its only relief as it kisses and touches in you. The ride’s staccato rhythm makes you wonder what awaits you. Is it a pending collision, a machine defect, a dried-up-river road or an attempt of the motorcycle driver to make advances on you? In this case, wonder is an understatement because people at times become frantic and even speculative. To fall from the motorcycle is unfortunate that is why one must keep holding on the seat no matter what. Just as what older people keep on telling us, riding the motorcycle is like putting your other foot in the graveyard. The danger and its fun explain why one tends to be so absorbed by the ride that he or she forgets the road and distance traveled. It is only to realize the disappointing truth that one has arrived in his or her respective destination. At this point, you must get off the motorcycle but definitely you’ll ride on it again and again and again.

In what they consider as the most livable city in the country – Davao City, this kind of ride is called habal-habal. Habal-habal comes from the bisaya word “habal” which means sex; a term commonly refers to the mating of pigs. Habal-habal is mainly based on the positions of pigs while mating – the boar on top and leaning on the sow’s behind. For some areas in Visayas, “habal” also refers to the extremely intimate position of two persons. Since in habal-habal the root word is repeated, people might take it literally as sex only in its diminutive form.

Actually, habal-habal is just a wee term used for a brawny vehicle but it should never be taken as a joke. It is not a laughing matter at all to take notice the intimacy of positions of the driver and the passenger, the touch and feel that arouses two parties but without the sexual penetration or the so-called “union of two bodies.” However in any way we see it, riding habal-habal is more than sex. This act is more daring, more adventurous and definitely unpredictable. It is pleasure in its own right.

However, habal-habals are illegal. The City Ordinance No. 0189-06 series of 2006 states that single motorcycles should not be used as public transport units and drivers are not allowed to solicit passengers for a fee. In addition, all drivers and riders of all single motorcycles along the city streets and National Highway within the territorial jurisdiction of Davao City are required to wear helmets while operating or driving the said motorcycles. This ordinance also limits the number of backriders or riders to only one person. It also requires the riders to wear crash helmet or other protective head gear when riding on the motorcycles and not to allow minors less than eight years old to ride on their motorcycle.

Habal-habal is synonymous to accident. Because of the rough, steep, and narrow terrain that habal-habal usually surmount, habal-habal became a favorite vehicle of misfortunes and death. When riding habal-habal, expect to encounter accidents especially when it is raining, where the road is very slippery. Many people met fatal accidents and even worse, met Death on the road. What can you expect from a two-wheeled vehicle where in a wrong move – just one wrong turn on a bumpy road can be a very vital act that can bring one to its final destination – death.

So, if habal-habal is like the “caravan of death and demise” why do a lot of people still let themselves be transported in this particular mode of transportation? The answer is pretty simple, for people, especially those who lived in the mountains where the road is very challenging for an automobile with four vehicles, serves as their only way of transportation. Passengers greatly know the dangers of riding habal-habal, but they have no choice but to ride on these motor vehicles. Due to limited number of jeepneys and other mode of transportations, habal-habal became not just ordinary but also serves as a necessity.

As diverse as the motorcycles they drive, habal-habal drivers are relatively distinct from each other. Habal-habal drivers smell something unique from other ordinary people. The stimuli coming from their natural beings will probably make your head blow like an erupting volcano or a boiling water from a whistling kettle. These supernatural scents mix with air crashes on your face causes suffocation. You could wish the grim reaper to take your life. Some of them smell like kids, baby powder scented with natural flowers blends with their stinky sweat. Some are like peeled red native onions and no one could ever help your tears from falling. Some are soaked in concentrated vinegar which makes your salivary glands produce the fluids. It is as if you were craving for something to eat. However, not all habal-habal drivers smell this horrible but most of them do especially in a day where sun shines at its peak. Their unique fragrance adds the challenge and excitement of your joyride.

These drivers also had their own standard rate of fare, no uniformity. Standard fare is based on their own understanding about the world. It is like in prostitution, drivers as prostitutes with their varying prices. Their rates are highly dependent on their self-evaluation on their performance, styles, vigor and balance. However unlike in prostitution where the rate is already agreed upon by the sex-worker and the client, fares paid for the habal-habal ride are based on one’s intuition. Drivers take the initiative to demand additional amount and to give spare change. A not-so-adamant passenger would just have to wait for the driver’s hint. If the driver starts the engine or maneuvers the motorcycle, it is understood that what you’ve given is enough or even more than enough.

Habal-habal knows no culture – may you be sosyal, astig, or just a plain tao – regardless of what you are and what you have, you, as well as everyone else, will have to ride the easiest and perhaps the fastest mode of transportation. The way people ride on a habal-habal reflects their own personality. Some of the passengers sit with their legs together or adjacent to the driver. Some of them ride, like most of them do, with their legs apart similar to the position the driver does.

An ordinary habal-habal has a capacity to carry at most two passengers, or worse – three. Habal-habal differs in terms of the space allotted for the passengers. There are the big ones that could accommodate three to four passengers – three at the back of the driver and one in front.

Eventually, people learned to improve habal-habal to accommodate more passengers due to its practicality and safety. From the maximum number of three people, it could take a number of people occupying the seats. It is just like a habal-habal with wings. It is as if you riding on the wings of a Pegasus in the sky – they were called the skylab. Skylabs are safer than that of an ordinary habal-habal. Its wings are made to support the body of the habal-habal. As the way of living evolves from time to time, habal-habal has also evolved. From riding on it with legs apart to sitting comfortably with legs together like a princess sitting in her throne, waiting for her servants to serve her. It is now safer than that of two wheels and even more convenient. No more smelling the unexplainable fragrance of the person’s hair before you.

Riding habal-habal is an addiction that drowns you in pleasure without knowing it. It gives you the thrill and feeling of no boundaries. Danger as an essential ingredient of riding habal-habal has been long instilled in our minds. It creates an image of fear in the passengers but still they do not fret. It is as a matter of fact a source of a different kind of high that is more appealing to the young people and to those who still feel that years have never left them.

What entices people to ride habal-habal is its leaning to high speed. It is best suited for the fast-paced world we are living and this is basically how people perceive it. People tend to create this illusion of having their own time at their very palm. The power to fast forward and to slow down the world’s tempo seems possible. They also tend to use speed as a way out of the dragging and stressful day.

Try riding habal-habal that runs 120 kilometers per hour and it will blow your mind off. It's just like you were with the person with a special ability to travel in space with just a blink of an eye. It is as if there is a continuous clash of flesh and gushing air and as a result, leaving a part of your whole being, your consciousness, your problems and worries. This triggers the feeling of addiction, the dependency of riding habal-habal. One feels the detachment to reality. The existence of habal-habal is a gift in itself. There is the long-awaited relief that urges your hands to enjoy involuntarily spread out in the air. It causes euphoria, the kind that makes you look up the sky, appreciate its beauty even though it’s about to rain, and then you scream on top of your lungs “I am the King or Queen of the world!” No one can stop you.

It is a race of your life only without any material prize or even satisfaction. There is no such thing in life as satisfactory and so does in riding habal-habal. Commuters couldn’t get enough of the ride like human beings in persistent search of life’s meaning. Thus, they will take habal-habal as means of transportation as long as they are capable of riding on it.

Riding habal-habal is more than sex, a means of transportation, and an addiction. It is a poetry of motion and a perfect reflection of life. Just like living life, one must go through the comfort, the obstacles and the nuances of the ride. Truly, habal-habal is a proof of Dabawenyo’s ingenuity. A clear example of how creative we are in paving our way to be able to reach our destination.

Reference:

Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.” Accessed on

July 28, 2009. Retrieved from

Collaborative writing – paragraphs 1, 2 and 16

Cabiza, Jennevy – paragraphs 5, 6, 7 and 10

Nemenzo, Arianne – paragraphs 3, 4, 9, 13, 14 and 15

Requizo, Aljon Troy – paragraphs 8, 11 and 12

i'm back!

2009-04-09T08:43:00.000-07:00

i definitely back....super back!

hehe... hindi nga lng for good..just for the meantime ika nga..char!

ai naku buhay...buhay naku ai! haha...

this summer...i'm really thinking of change...well...changes kasi marami akong naiisip na dapat baguhin sa buhay kong ito..hehe..naman!

hmm...
the style...sa pananamit! ai naku...dapat mejo mg-ayos na ako...ewwness na kasi...i'm going to be a 3rd yr college student pero para pa rin akong high school kung mag-ayos...kung ng-aayos nga ako..hahah

the outlook...sa buhay...hmm..mejo positive at hindi na ako mejo paranoid about deadlines...basta something to do with academics...pero and goal ko now...i-level up ang pagiging optimistic at patient at steady sa buhay..hahah..nakz! sana..sana!

the relationships...haha...the truth is i am always jealous. sa mga friends, family members and those people i just meet. they have so much LIFE! pwede mgkaroon din ako ng life? i mean not just watching anime, doing acads, pagiging yaya... i find my life boring..and yung relationships? STAGNANT!

well..ok lng na man sa akin yun...ok nga kasi STEADY...peo oa na sa pgka-steady ah! hmm...

an OK life is ok, but it is not necessarily a happy one...yeah!

sa aking pagbabalik...

2008-12-14T22:20:00.000-08:00

...balik anime addict na naman ako! hahaha..normal na jud ni nako..my gehd!

hmm...merry christmas!!!

char lng..hay naku...wala mang bago oi sa akoang life...ai naa dy!

crush na pud nko si arki guy..katong tanga na burag anime og dagway..heheh..atod oi...peo cge lng..heheh...
chox ra man..ai....

bwt sa amua ni marty?
ok lng...pwde ipadayon, pwde pud dli..bahala sya oi..hahah...mangtaz man gud toh..
nakikita ko na ang future..hehehe

cge cge..nxt tym na sad...bsta mubalik na lagi ko...

i will maintain this blog! char lng..pagxur! hahaha

things change and people too

2008-11-14T07:10:00.000-08:00

there is just one thing constant in this world: change.

as i think about the past 18 years of my life, a lot of things happened. i grow up and so does the people around me. i changed and they did too. whether changing for the better or worse that is not my concern anymore.

what i am so bothered nowadays is the fact that as people change, my relationship with them is shaking. it seems were on the edge of a cliff. we are hanging on a little stick just to sustain the connection between us. it's sad because at times i just wish we should have given up. why suffer? why we should endure? worst, i even come to the point of regretting we had met.

there are a lot of people i knew. yes. i knew is different from i know. they were the ones i used to talk to about a lot of things. but now we are better off not seeing each other. things have really changed. separated by distance, they are out of my reach. no matter what i do this is how it is today. maybe i stopped trying to connect to them. people get tired. i am tired too.

letting the past slip away is quite a favorable option. it doesn't hurt much unlike before when i still think of them as precious friends. they are jewels that later on lost their value. i may be getting to harsh now but this is my truths. i learned to live without them at sight even without the thought of them. i am being hypocrite. it helps in moving forward sometimes.

my best friend told me a part of my history i have forgotten. what a shame. i realized i am being self-centered in retelling my history. my past is not all about me: how i looked, talked, think, felt. people around me, my friends or once my friends, have also taken part of my history.

i just hope the people who still stay to hang on with me doesn't give up so easily. because i will not as long as i can take it. that's is for sure.

uu..humanna na jud!

2008-10-12T21:45:00.000-07:00

humana akoang mga exams...hahaha

so how?? well2........

grado na pud akoang problemahon..ok lng..

bhala na si harmann!!!

hehehe

my version of YOTCH's poem...

2008-10-03T19:27:00.000-07:00

and light disappeared into the darkness,
and empty bottles and lit cigarettes.

short-lived happiness is over
and here comes sadness.
it is screaming.

the smile on his face
he can't just give away.
he faked it,
it is not for free.

he wanted to trick his way,
every twist and every turn.
he is wearing a carved suit
and nothing seemed wrong.

tired, but he never gave up.
pain is a killer
but he can't be murdered.

YOTCH's poem...

2008-10-03T19:18:00.000-07:00

at naglaho na ang liwanag sa dilim,
mga bote at sigarilyong nakasindi parin.
ubos na ang pansamantalang kaligayahan,
at naghari na ulit ang sigaw ni kalungkutan.
pinilit nyang kunwari magpakatatag
ang ngiti sa mukhang ayaw nyang ilaglag.
ninais nyang baguhin ang ikot at takbo
gamit ang maskarang bato.
napapagod sya ngunit di iniinda
ang sakit ay ayaw ipakita.

let there be peace of mind

2008-09-13T08:41:00.000-07:00

sometimes i forget to ask about this thing...peace

it's so big deal..

i am so paranoid these days...and all i want to do is have a break...but not death (of course)

haha...it's funny.

i don't think it's possible to have peace in my own. i am thinking of so many stuffs...i have to or else i'll regret everything..

this is so foolish..

ai.....takishima! i love you...that's for sure...heheheh

hapit unta ko gihaya gahapon!

2008-09-12T06:28:00.000-07:00

sa dihang...

kabalo man jud unta ko na delikado..nitabok jud ko... pastilan! pisat unta ko buh...sa mga sakyanan og motor pajud ko nkipag-patintero..hala ka diha!! pag-sure yhani oi!!!!

btaw..ngworry na jud btaw ko sa akoang self..buang na kya ko?/

nadayunan na kya ko..

hadlok man jud dy oi...nya unsa n lng kung niungot ko sa kalsada..bugha ko>>>>

haay!!! ai haaayyyyyy jud..

wla ko kasabot kung gusto buh nko mamatay ju..o mu-escape lng sa sa world for a day...nah!

hinaut unta...dli pa ko buang oi..nah...isalikway jud kop sa mga tao na gimahal nko...huhuy...

i am meant to live bya akoang motto sa life...dapat mkibagay ko..hehehe

maninuod man gud ang life...usahay boring, mkapressure, mkaguol, dli ko ksabot..hayy...

dli jud bagay na option sa akoa ang suicide..hehehe..talawitot au ko..heheh....

dugay pa ko dri sa world oi!! masamang damo man ko..HAhAhAHAH!!!!

love in the time of cholera

2008-09-02T00:43:00.000-07:00

hahah...

nkabasa najud ko ani na buk..iregards ko bayot!!!

i'm so proud of myself! hahaha..ligaw man jud ang feeling na mkahuman og buk..it's been months na man gud..hehehe

well...love stry jud sya..atik au..joke ang story..peo sweet..oha oha..sweet..nah! natablan jud daw ko..ang mga linya man gud kay MAKATOUCH!!!

some of the lines:

unfaithful but not disloyal.

tell him yes even if you're dying of fear, even if you are sorry, because whatever you do, you will be sorry al the rest of your life if you say no.

...hahaha....i quote...

wla lng koy trip..i-congratulate jud ko ninyo...

hhehe..yun lng...

i fall apart

2008-08-24T03:55:00.000-07:00

everyone has reasons
i do have reasons

to laugh and cry
to say hello and goodbye
to be with you or not

to stand up or crush

...but still i choose to fall apart.

para kay maej...

2008-08-16T09:20:00.001-07:00

thanks maej!!!
mkatouch jud imung gpost maej...

sangko sa langit akoang kalipay..kahilakon gani ko..

btaw...wla ko ng-expect..

obvious na akoang pagiging adik sa anime..haha..dli btaw..wat i reaaly mean is my mood swings...hehe..cenxa na..(cenxa na jud mga friends..)

bothered lng man gud ko...

honestly...sa pagpapirma sa tickler...naa jud mga char2 na messages dbah??
nya..something about finding myself man toh..og..courage and determination..nawarla lng ko...tapos antisocial pa jud daw ko..hehehe ai...si reeka jud ngbansag sa akoa ana.hmmm..hehe..peo chox ra man..

wla lng...stupid au nga reasons...mg-18 nko..my gehd..wla pa nko nafind akoang self..wla pa ko kbalo sa akoang gusto sa life...hayyy....

unsa man jud imung gusto mahitabo KEKeNG?????

quit o dli? BACA o shift? open to others o antisocial? tubag!!!

hahah...uu..mao ni akoang problema maej.pakisagpa n lng jud sa akoa...hayyy....

adik man guro ko oi...hahahah

you are loved

2008-08-15T11:51:00.001-07:00

Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When you're heart's heavy
I, I will lift it for you

Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I, I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I, I will be there to find you

Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I, I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

You are loved
Don't give up
Every one needs to be heard
You are loved

FaLlEn

2008-08-15T11:34:00.001-07:00

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so

We all begin with good intent
When love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I have held so dear

Though I've tried, I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so

Heaven bend to take my hand
I've nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one misstep one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so

wala ko kasabot!!!

2008-08-15T10:57:00.000-07:00

wala jud ko kasabot..bsta...

ana si ate corinne kay perhaps i'm in the process of finding who i am..what?? bsta ana ang thought..may pa sya kabalo ana na mga butanga..ako tawn..wazz...

wla nko ganahi...

if mgquit ko og comm guild..tawagon ko nila og quiter...alangan naman dbah??hayy...

i lost interest..really...nawarla ko...

lain bya ko pag daghan gnahuna huna..mapressure ko nya madepress...nya i become less human...lagi!!! i-ask pa si troy...hahah...dli ko tao pag saputon...awa...

mahadlok nko saputon..sa tinuod lng...

antisocial pud ko..binansagan nko ana...wla koy mahimu....kapoi cge atubang og mga tao..haha...atay..

cge huna hunaon sa nko if mgquit ko or dli...hay...

i'm sick of this...after all...all i have is myself...the hell with other people...

ai..i've decided na dy...peo tarongon sa nko ni...inhale exhale...

shet jud ai....

i-ask n lng nko si mama oi....

cge...

sala jud ni ni SU!!!

2008-08-07T07:25:00.000-07:00

wel..paila ila pa dy ta mo kay su..si su kay isa sa mga guardian chara ni amu...kauban na sila ni miki og ran..hhee

uu. TAMA!!! kingkoy ni akoang topic..hehe

kaila kag nkahilak jud daw ko tungod ani..ala nko napugngan..mygehd...kuan man gud,,

ang episode kay about sa mga dreams... luoy ang story... bsta dli maexplain ang impact nya sa akoa..cguro mkarelate lng jud ko....

ana man gud si teacher "i choose reality over my worthless dream." lahi na path iyang gtahak...nya ana si Su..dli pa huli ang lahat... mkahurt gud...

ani man gud na...

i wanted to be a surgeon...ever since high skul, napicture na nko akoang self na maging doctor..peo dli bio akoang gkuha na course...sila mama og papa...ana sila puros n lng daw mi bio..well...tama man pud...sugot n lng ko kay sila man mggasto sa akoang pgskwela...

(tears)

peo sakit man dy...honestly, until now gnahuna huna nko maunsa man ko sa akoang course oi..Comm Arts..dghan lagi job oppurtunities...peo dli nko makita akoang self na 3rd year na..na 4th year..wla lng cguro koy motivation krn...

wla na pud koy interest na mgbio...sad gud...sakit gud...laina oi...feeling nko total wla na man koy gusto mgbio..i'll just have to stick with my course..impractical mgshift..mahal au ang tuition...sacrifice gud panagsa keng...

i never had the chance to feel closer to my dream... i dream of wearing lab gown..mg-experiment..bsta mga char2 gud na nkit-an nko na ginabuhat sa akoang mga ate..uu..amaw au ko..akoa ning gnahilakan kron..tae..hahah

kuan man gud..mg-18 nko kron september...and i'm still having this dilemma... ambi nko akoa na ning nkalimtan..atay..wla pa man dy..hahaha...tae man ni oi...

pambata man ni na reason oi..peo unsaon tah man..ani na jud ang life..haha..hilak2 sa ko kron..mgmuni2 sa dy..heheh

bantay lng ni si SU!!!!

advice..advice!

2008-08-05T08:32:00.000-07:00

here is the message i gave to Reeka during her debut party...

18 advices...just an excerpt from the song Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) by Baz Lurhmann..

1.Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself, and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….

2.You are not as fat as you imagine.

3.Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.

4. Do one thing everyday that scares you.

5. Sing

6. Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

7.Don’t waste your time on jealousy;sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind; the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

8.Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults;

9.Stretch

10.Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives,some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

11.Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

12. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

13.Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

14. Be nice to your siblings, they're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

15.Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

16.Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

17.Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

18. Travel.

mkatouch jud...i even cried when i said these to Reeka...such a lame...they caught me off guard..what a shame!!!hehehe

these are all based on one's reality...it also applies to me...hayyy...

Reeka's Cocktail Twist Debut PartY!!!

2008-08-03T05:42:00.000-07:00

here are some of the photos taken during Reelka's Party last August 2, 2008...

namugas jud si dolly buh..heheh... hala pacute with joshua kay panagsa ra ni..grab the opportunity!

picture2 with the ever gorgeous debutant in her fabulous gown..isn't she lovely?

hep hep hurray nah...ice breaker....

pareho mig color ni lav..ai..mkatouch..hehehe...tipsy na bya ni sya..5 na baso na beer ang gtira..atod btaa!

sa table namin..with mam rosil...hehe

we are just lovely... do i need to say more?

Reeka's Birthday!!!

2008-07-31T07:30:00.000-07:00

it was totally a day!

it was funny with all the obstacle she had to go through..the clues..the location...the surprise..all!

the last part was really the best one. she had a so-called date with her crush..TAN! we prepared the place...the candle...the song (we just hummed actually because we don't know the lyrics)...the guy appeared "from the wall", that's how reeka described it..hahah

it was touching..the guy you like greeting you in your 18th birthday..that's just amazing! and friends with their effort of giving her a nice surprise..hayyy..

it made me wish i had a crush on somebody in UP..haha...

at least my friends could do something like that for me..haha..but unfortunately...i just don't like anyone here...you know the kind of feeling that he seems to be the MAN...haha

....maybe, i just so into girls..just kidding!

shocked!!!

2008-07-29T09:05:00.000-07:00

i am in the state of regretting what i have posted in my blog...

my gehd! berlai read it..and tentenenen...she posted a very "something" comment... it's just slowly sinking into me..

haha...i really thought that it was not a very big deal/issue...i thought they will just laugh about it..it was just a petty issue..

i'm wrong. i know! haha..lesson learned! hehe

but i'm stil thankful..berlai gave me a very interesting insight about the matter. that's the good thing.

it affected me...and it made ma realize that i am very correct about my instinct. he is just bitter. how sad..hehe

i love berlai....very much!!!!

promise lai..if he will mess with my life, i'll just have to deal with it. it's the price for risking my heart..char!! haha...no worries..ako pah!

i thought i couldn't tell him

2008-07-24T05:54:00.000-07:00

how i feel..

i was wrong. hahay...
i spilled the beans and now we are ok..good..bad.. i don't know!

i hoped he finally realized why i was fussing. it was about that dedication he made to a girl (his ex).

i'm so insecure... shit! i don't really want to feel that bad about myself. he made me feel that i was not good enough...i'm fed up with all of that. every relationship. every guy.

i want to make it clear somehow..that what he commented made me feel ok...but not totally relieved. no, i can't trust anyone these days. sad but such a reality that i have to deal with in this world.

i am still skeptic but at least we are in good terms...that is good enough for me at this point.

i still have to keep my self in control. no more rush. no more sudden burst. no more undecided decisions.

i have to keep my armor ready. always ready for a possible ambush. i can't afford to lose this time. i have no more time for tears and regrets.

love is a war.

i have to win this without even having a scratch.

ayaw tawn ko surang suranga

2008-07-24T03:55:00.000-07:00

please lng jud!!!!

big deal na jud dy kaau nang dli ka maapil sa featured friends????pasabta ko beh....

for a change lng gud...well, naglagot msn jud ko sa imuha..bahala ka dra!!!! bwisit jud!!!

hala! um uma nang imung rabbit na alay mata! ikaw na jud ngsolo dra...hala! paglipay sa taman...atay!!!!

pag may tyaga, may muta!

2008-07-23T08:05:00.000-07:00

haha...btaw2..

awa ko...sabog na ayoo ko og mata binasa og death note sa manga..sa computer pa jud..haha..imagine..i can go on reading manga online for 5 hrs...peo kapoyan magbasa og hend-outs...what's wrong????

ana jud ang life..hahah..

cge oi..basa nko og hand-outs...nxt tym na sad..

pag gutom ang matsing, wag nyong abalahin...or else...

2008-07-20T06:46:00.001-07:00

heheh...

this is silly but true!!

pag gutom gani ko..ayaw jud ko ninyo surang suranga!!! getz???

for the whole weekdays bya ko gutom..basi kamo akoang kaonon..nah! nagapractice na bya ko og cannibalism..shet!!!

hehehe...

nka-uli na dy ko sa akoang mansion dri sa mintal..este...bhauws dy..ok lng..hehe...mingaw peo ok lng...

lingaw ayoo ko kay kyut2 during weekends sa blay namu..dghan na syag mga tricks..heheh... naa na syay mata sa dlaga, lili, flying kiss, kiss, big mouth..hehe..cge pa jud pakiss sa iyang lapa lapa..bura byag humot..heheh..makamiss..ai oi...

mao lng toh..pg ka friday kay nghilak na pud ko...bura kog amaw..txt2 man mi ni matry ato..nya hapit mi ngbulag..haha..pgka sturday pud..hapit pud mi ngbulag..peo mangita sa ko og chicks bag-o nko toh bulagan..hehehehe..malay ko buh!@!!!

btaw...narealize nko na....sekreto n lng dy toh..basi mabasahan buto na sad ko..heheheh

according nga sa akoang horoscope...:
Chemistry is important, but you must be on the same level as the people in your life if you want to find complete harmony. So if you're finding yourself attracted to an 'opposite' personality, be careful. When your energies are different from someone else's, it can be hypnotic and appealing -- but these differences can also lead to a lot of conflict. Are you prepared for that? Just be aware that what you think is an intriguing quality now could turn into an annoying one later.

now i've decided to leave him hanging..let's see...

negative energy just fills me

2008-07-17T07:25:00.000-07:00

hahay...

mgbinisaya jud ko kron...

wla ko sa mood mg-english..shet man ni oi..lain kaayo ang feeling ai..

mka-down ang mkahibalo ka na most of the students na ngtake sa stat1 exam kay bagsak..ugma pa nko mahibal-an kung unsa ba jud..pasar ko or dli!!!???

hahay...gkan man unta ko ngkaon ug happy2 sa mcdo..peo pg-abot sa bhauws..lain jud...down ayoo ko..

depressed na sad na wlay energy..ai ambot..lain jud ai!!!

nangutang pa jud ko og 100 kay harvey...para lng ilaag..laliman ka!!??

gastos ayoo ko kron na week..hahay..mkamatay! siguro guilty pud ko kron..kabalo ko na dpat mgtipid..nya wla nko gbuhat...

wla na jud koy pag-asa ani..huthut na jud ko..hehe..mkamatay agen!!!!

nahibal-an pa jud nko na niabot si pakdat sa bhauws nangita sa akoa..luuya sa akoang ate oi..nah! mkaguilty jud..unsa kya kailangan atoh..base importante ayoo..hala oi...

wla jud ni buh...lain jud...

stat exam!

2008-07-15T18:01:00.000-07:00

hahay...i just slept last night..

well.. i studied a bit..really!

oh! i'm just hoping that i pass this first stat exam..hahahy...

good luck!

i am still waiting patiently!

2008-07-15T06:12:00.000-07:00

well...i've decided to stay in the relationship!

yes... i had this freaky dilemma about my relationship's set-up. but after talking to reeka, i was really convince to try believing that we can make through all of it...the distance, differences, and what so ever!

i know this is cheesy but talking about my troubled thoughts with people (experienced regarding the matter) was really helpful...

thanks a lot!